Saturday, November 30, 2013

Our Thanksgiving Vacation

As we speak, I'm sitting in my big comfy chair sitting criss-cross applesauce in front of the fireplace (I love saying that), Christmas lights are twinkling, a wine glass is on the table next to me and my living room smells like fresh pine trees. My kids are being kept busy with the Kinect downstairs, and my husband is trying to hang pictures on the wall. I'm trying to find a few moments of silence where someone isn't screaming my name or whining about whose turn it is to pick a movie.
I love vacations from school. I love that when I have a day off, they have a day off, but with it comes moments where I exhale a lot deeper than I normally do. Sawyer has started this screaming phase that could seriously make glass shatter. Carter is as stubborn as both Dan and I combined and constantly feels like he needs to have the last word, and Jaedyn is at an age where it's the end of the world if you haven't had a sleepover in each and every month, and spending and entire weekend with family is not near as fun as it used to be. On top of that, I'm missing all four legs of the tree downstairs and the lights are toast except for exactly 14 of the 300 lights that are on it which means I don't get to decorate it with all of my ornaments that hold such fond memories of my childhood.
But as I sit back and just take in the last few days, I can do nothing but smile. My house is lived in. My kids are healthy and act the way "normal" (if you could call us that) kids do. It's my favorite time of year, and I know that all too soon, my house will be quiet, and Dan and I will be empty nesters waiting for the next time our kids will make it home. So for now, I'm going to relish in the disorder and the noise. I'm going to get a giant silly grin on my face every time Sawyer says, "Right mama?". I'm going to be the last to let go when Carter hugs me and tells me he loves me so much. I'm going to hold onto the moments where all three of my children believe in the magic of the season, and store in my memory the look on Jaedyn's face when she realized our elf had come back from the North Pole this year with a gift.
I'm learning with time that patience goes a long way. When I remember that they are only kids for a small window of time, I don't get so bent out of shape as quickly. Sure, I still get mad. I still have those moments when I lose my crap. (This morning was one) But I'm getting better at letting them be little.

With that ridiculously winded preface, we are enjoying our break. Wednesday night was our Thanksgiving Eve service at church. Jaedyn and Carter and all the 2nd-6th graders got to lead worship. It was such a cool service. We have some talented kiddos in our church who have such angelic voices. It was such a blessing to hear them sing. There were moments during the service that allowed us to reflect on all that we had been thankful for that year. We took Sawyer up to one of the poster boards and let him draw what he was thankful for. I wish I had a picture, but it was a very deformed looking stick person, and when he was done he asked, "Mom, how do you spell God?" And when the pastor told the congregation that if they felt led to share something they were thankful for, Carter raised his hand a bazillion times to say the things he was thankful for in the mic. We spent the remaining moments at home cuddled up watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. It was a fine evening to be thankful for, indeed.

Thanksgiving morning started out exactly how I like it, watching the Thanksgiving Day parade as I prepared my part of the Thanksgiving meals.
Being in attendance during the Thanksgiving Day parade is on my bucketlist, and it WILL happen.

We enjoyed our afternoon with the Wolfswinkels, catching up with family we don't see very often. Our evening was spent with my dad, laughing with siblings and smooching on nieces, playing cards, and singing one-liners of songs we don't know all the words to. We were out far later than we should have been, especially since Amy had been up for over 24 hours, but nevertheless, we enjoyed family and I was reminded of how blessed I really am.

Traditionally, Amy and I head out for some Black Friday shopping every year. We typically hate the crowds, but get a kick out of people scrambling about to save a few bucks on Christmas gifts that their kids will probably break in a matter of months. Our Black Friday shopping goes a little like this. Set the alarm for 5:30. Roll out of bed at 6:00. Grab a cup of coffee at the gas station. Meander into a store without a plan. Pick up some gifts. Notice we saved some money (winning!!). Grab a snack. Shop a little more. Decide we're bored. Get some ethnic food before we head home. Most of the time something happens to our wheels/tires that causes us to spend some time begging for help from very kind strangers. This year, however, Jesus was kind to us and decided we didn't deserve it, and we made it home before dark. WOO HOO! Oh yes...and Bernard showed up yesterday as well. Christmas is coming!!

This book is so amazing. I found it here. I don't know why it's so expensive on Amazon. I seriously had mine shipped for $9 total. It is such an amazing book. If you love the magic of the season like I do, you will love this book. There are so many details in it about the North Pole and Santa. Included are a letter from Santa and Mrs. Claus, a letter from a child to Santa Claus, Wisdom of the Elves book, Santa's Diary, and so much more. It is the coolest book I've ever seen.

We're spending the rest of our weekend with no agenda. We went and saw one of the free movies today in Sioux Center with some friends. We'll watch some Bronco/Chiefs action tomorrow, and I will probably bribe my children into watching one more Christmas movie before the weekend is complete. One thing is for sure, I am so thankful for the family and friends God has given me. I'm so so blessed.
Happy Belated Thanksgiving to you and yours!

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Don't Forget to Be Alive

I've definitely been MIA for the past few weeks. The normalcy in my life has somewhat taken the back burner to more important issues lately, and while this place is exactly where I belong right now, I'm missing some of the more normal things in my life, such as running, getting enough sleep, being outside, catching up on my shows ;), etc..... I'm struggling to find meaningful posts to write or even to come up with enough "Enjoying the small things" to fill up a page.

Quite frankly, Right now, I'm just very overwhelmed with life. Every part of it. I can't keep up at school or at home. My to-do list seems never ending. I'm struggling to be still and have patience with my middle, and many days I'm crying on the way to school wondering why mornings are such hell. Honestly, I just don't feel like enough. For anybody. I don't feel like anybody is getting my best, and I'm feeling like what should be the best time of the year for me, the encore of another 365 days, is quickly coming and going right before my eyes. And while it would be easy to just let it keep going, keep flashing, keep passing, I can't let that happen. That's not what I want my kids to remember about these years.

I want them to remember that there are times when people need you and you need people, and that is what we are here on this Earth to do. To be a net for people. To remind others that we can do hard things and that this world is a brutiful place where we stick together and remember that love wins. So when you are needed, you drop your normal schedule for awhile-maybe an hour, maybe a month, and you be a net because someday you will need that net, and they will be there to catch you.

BUT I also want them to remember that it's important to still live in the midst of all the chaos, even when it's easy to let the days pass by because you're too exhausted to be alive. Today is Friday, and I'm going to go live this weekend, and come back to add to this post because darnit....my kids deserve to live even when I'm tired, and I WILL find some small things to enjoy!!!!!

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Here we are. It's Sunday night, and I promised you I'd come alive and remember to show that to my kiddos. So here's how we spent our weekend. It looked a whole lot like Christmas up in here.

My most treasured Christmas decoration. It was my mom's. She gave it to me when I moved out on my own with Jaedyn for my first Christmas. I remember winding up everyday before I went to school and every night before bed. It symbolizes creating new beautiful memories with my children so they have stories to tell their own kids someday. This is my favorite time of year for so many reasons but mostly for the way it brings family together.

I love the look of wonder on his face. It makes my heart happy.


I know he's my child because this is what he put on when I told him to put on something comfy after church....Jammies #forthewin


She's getting too old to lift up like this, but hey...Tradition is tradition.

Nothing says good old fashioned family time like cuddling up with your family in front of the new fireplace your husband gave you for Christmas and watching the first Christmas movie of the season, lights all aglow and fireplace blazin'.

And here are a couple of small things I've enjoyed this past week.
The layout of the new Omaha outlet mall. My ladies and I are ready for spring so we can go on our 4th annual Girls Shopping Weekend!

Cutting down the perfect tree

Borrowing the fireplace for a cozy picture after some hot cider and hot chocolate
I'm learning that sometimes I only need to be still. When I'm too overwhelmed and weary, God's got my back, and I need to let him carry me for awhile. This month has been this for me. I haven't been still enough. Glennon knew that I needed a little reminder, so this week she posted this over at Momastery.




If you can’t remember how to feed yourself but you remember what joy is: BE STILL. YOU HAVE TO GET STILL BEFORE YOU CAN REALLY GET UP. GOD MADE EVERYTHING WONDERFUL AND CREATIVE AND BEAUTIFUL OUT OF NOTHINGNESS- STILLNESS AND GOD STILL DOES. So find some quiet. 10 – 5 minutes a day. Try this- Travis sent it to us last night:

1) Prepare to pray the Psalm in 5 consecutively diminishing sentences.
2) Either aloud or quietly to yourself, say the words, “Be still and know that I am God”
3) After a couple deep breaths, pray, “Be still and know that I am.”
4) After a couple deep breaths, pray “Be still and know.”
5) After a couple deep breaths, pray, “Be still.”
6) After a couple deep breaths, pray, “Be.”
7) When ready, pray, “Amen.”

The weeks are getting closer to Christmas. This week is Thanksgiving. I need to be present, but oh so alive. Get out there and help someone in need. Stop and thank God for what he's blessed you with. Pay it forward. Enjoy the small things. BE STILL. That is my challenge to myself this week. Just Be Still. 

If you can’t remember how to feed yourself but you remember what joy is: BE STILL. YOU HAVE TO GET STILL BEFORE YOU CAN REALLY GET UP. GOD MADE EVERYTHING WONDERFUL AND CREATIVE AND BEAUTIFUL OUT OF NOTHINGNESS- STILLNESS AND GOD STILL DOES. So find some quiet. 10 – 5 minutes a day. Try this- Travis sent it to us last night:
1) Prepare to pray the Psalm in 5 consecutively diminishing sentences.
2) Either aloud or quietly to yourself, say the words, “Be still and know that I am God”
3) After a couple deep breaths, pray, “Be still and know that I am.”
4) After a couple deep breaths, pray “Be still and know.”
5) After a couple deep breaths, pray, “Be still.”
6) After a couple deep breaths, pray, “Be.”
7) When ready, pray, “Amen.”

- See more at: http://momastery.com/blog/#sthash.hibhYbpA.dpuf
If you can’t remember how to feed yourself but you remember what joy is: BE STILL. YOU HAVE TO GET STILL BEFORE YOU CAN REALLY GET UP. GOD MADE EVERYTHING WONDERFUL AND CREATIVE AND BEAUTIFUL OUT OF NOTHINGNESS- STILLNESS AND GOD STILL DOES. So find some quiet. 10 – 5 minutes a day. Try this- Travis sent it to us last night:
1) Prepare to pray the Psalm in 5 consecutively diminishing sentences.
2) Either aloud or quietly to yourself, say the words, “Be still and know that I am God”
3) After a couple deep breaths, pray, “Be still and know that I am.”
4) After a couple deep breaths, pray “Be still and know.”
5) After a couple deep breaths, pray, “Be still.”
6) After a couple deep breaths, pray, “Be.”
7) When ready, pray, “Amen.”

- See more at: http://momastery.com/blog/#sthash.hibhYbpA.dpuf

If you can’t remember how to feed yourself but you remember what joy is: BE STILL. YOU HAVE TO GET STILL BEFORE YOU CAN REALLY GET UP. GOD MADE EVERYTHING WONDERFUL AND CREATIVE AND BEAUTIFUL OUT OF NOTHINGNESS- STILLNESS AND GOD STILL DOES. So find some quiet. 10 – 5 minutes a day. Try this- Travis sent it to us last night:
1) Prepare to pray the Psalm in 5 consecutively diminishing sentences.
2) Either aloud or quietly to yourself, say the words, “Be still and know that I am God”
3) After a couple deep breaths, pray, “Be still and know that I am.”
4) After a couple deep breaths, pray “Be still and know.”
5) After a couple deep breaths, pray, “Be still.”
6) After a couple deep breaths, pray, “Be.”
7) When ready, pray, “Amen.”
- See more at: http://momastery.com/blog/#sthash.hibhYbpA.dpuf

Friday, November 8, 2013

Just Keep Swimming

Sometimes I come on here to write, and I know exactly what I want to say, and other times such as this week, I find myself starting to type and hitting backspace more than any other key. Therefore, I apologize in advance if none of this post comes out making any sense. It's been an emotionally exhausting week and a half to say the least, and I'm trying to sift out the things that I want to take away from it all.

It's been an incredibly busy 9 days. That much I can say. I've spent the last week and a half trying to stay afloat...Just keep swimming has been my mantra. As much as I love meeting with parents at conferences, it drains me. By today, it's not even a question that I needed this day off, or I'm afraid I would have let the kids watch movies all day while I laid my head on my desk and slept. On weeks like these, there's so much information to process on top of the already growing list of things that needed to get done and graded. Today I don't feel like doing much of anything, and I'm not going to feel guilty for it!

In addition to just being swamped, my heart just hurts for a number of reasons. People I love are struggling with different issues, and it's hard to watch people who mean so much to you be distressed about things you can't fix or take away. Also, this past week, a precious three year old girl was taken into the arms of Jesus for reasons that could have been prevented, and while it's not my story to tell, my heart hurts for this family I don't know and the other families involved. I can't imagine losing one of my littles...ever. It's a parents' unspoken plea with God to never ever take one of their babies before He takes them. Personally, it's my worst nightmare on any given day.

And so I sit here and emotionally wrestle with God about things that I can't control. God has blessed me and cursed me with a heart that is exploding with empathy. I'm a fixer. I want to scoop up all the people I love-friends and family alike- and put a protective shield over them. It doesn't matter if the issues they are dealing with are life changing or temporarily taking space, I don't like to see them struggle. I feel very blessed that I get to see many of my girls 2-3 times a week as is, so when somebody is struggling with something, we usually have an outlet, a place to reaffirm that we're in this together, that we've got each other to lean on.

And so on a week I felt like maybe I was needed (conceited much, Mandi?), or more importantly, that I needed them, I wasn't available. Not to my friends. Not to my husband. Not to my kids. And I started to feel very drained and empty. Like I had been stretched so thin and was more or less a very useless blob taking up space. When I woke up this morning, I spent a few moments sulking about the week and what I could have done differently. Did I use the time I had wisely? Was I enough of a mom or wife or friend this week? I sure didn't feel like it.

Strangely, though, right now I feel kind of at peace with it. I seriously didn't have an extra second of time to think about any of these things until today, and I think it was God's way of letting me know that He had it covered. Sometimes I forget that God doesn't need me at all. It's so very much the other way around. He's got the protective shield. He's going to get them through it. He's not going to let them go. Struggle is part of life. We all have trials and hardships that we go through that God has used to grow us and stretch us. I would run out of fingers if I tried to count up all the times God has used my adversity for good. It's always good. We just can't always see it right away.

Let me be clear. Suffering, struggle, agony, loss, grief, and misery are not fun. Most people who are going through the most difficult moments in their lives rarely see the good that comes from their pain until most of it is behind them. Those few people I've witnessed who are still able to see God's will in the midst of it are usually aware that God's going to use their trials for good, but haven't gotten to the point of actually feeling it yet. We call that faith. What I do know is that God has placed us here to belong to one another. To love one another. To be kind to one another. To lift up one another. To be a net for one another. Does he need me to carry out his plans? No. Can his will be done without my help? Absolutely. But he knows that most of us need something or someone tangible to be His hands and feet. So here we are.

I may not have been everything I could have been for the people I loved this week. If you got the short end of the stick because of that, I'm sorry. Fortunately for grace, there's always tomorrow. I'll pick myself up, dust myself off and be better today than I was yesterday. I will allow my heart to hurt, but aim to listen more and fix less. I'll do my best to allow God to drive and not be a backseat driver. I will let go and let God.
 If God is all you have...



On another note, there have been some very great things about the past week and a half as well. I'll end with a snippet of the good stuff.


While I don't have a picture to include, let's just say that Christmas is a comin' and I'm getting a little antsy to kick off the season...... :) :) :)

And finally, here's a little dance party action to make your day complete.....
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=621715476149&l=7063815399018240392

(For some reason you have to copy and paste it. Sorry!)

Enjoy your weekend friends!