The View From My Front Porch : May 2017

Happy Mother's Day to all you beautiful women out there. I know that this day can be bittersweet for some of us, and it can just be painful for others, so I want you to know that not only am I rejoicing for those of you who are celebrating this day, I am also grieving with those for whom this day is incredibly difficult. Know you are being kept close to my heart today.

With that being said, I had intentions of writing an inspirational Mother's Day post on the blog and sharing wonderful pictures on Facebook, but the truth of the matter is that today I'm just not feeling it. Motherhood is no easy feat man. In fact, there are moments it's downright painful. Difficult. Draining. Exhausting. This has been one of those parenthood in the trenches kind of weekends. I've had moody, mouthy children. Lots of driving in a car with those moody, mouthy children, and honestly, it's just been hard.

So can I be honest for a moment? Today...I felt kind of jipped. I can't believe I'm typing that because it feels kind of selfish. But on the same token, I think it's important to be able write authentically and the show the ability to be real, and since this is my space for my feelings, I feel like I can be truthful, and know that I'm probably not alone. You see, I'm not a high maintenance person. At least I don't think I am. Maybe my husband would disagree, but for the most part, I'm a go with the flow kinda gal. My love languages are not planted in gifts or acts of service or even words of affirmation (although let's be honest...they are all very nice). They are rooted firmly in quality time and memory making and relationship building. However, on days like today.....there's always this hope and prayer that maybe today my kids would be perfect angels. It would click for them. They would shower me with love and adoration. They would tell me how much they love me and how thankful they are that I'm their mom. They wouldn't let me lift a finger and tell me to go enjoy some time to myself while they cleaned the house and then we'd all end the day with snuggles and time together and another memory jar would be filled up, and I'd write Mother's Day 2017 on the mason jar with my sharpie and stick it on my shelf next to all the others. I'd smile and say, this is what life is all about. Anyone else have these fantasies?

Needless to say, that isn't my life. Not today anyways. Only one child said Happy Mother's Day this morning. It was right after he was being scolded about something, so he came up to me, and through gritted teeth said, "Happy Mother's Day. When are we leaving for church?" That was that. One couldn't find any church clothes (because he literally has nothing that fits anymore), and we all left for church crabby. Arms folded. Giving each other the silent treatment. The rest of the day hasn't been much better, and even though we've enjoyed slivers of it spent with family, it's been hard to have a lot of fun when you know that you're kind of faking it til you make it.

The ride home was spent doing a little self reflecting. I didn't raise them this way. Why are they so ungrateful? What am I doing wrong? Is it because they don't feel like they have a reason to celebrate me? What's wrong with me?

And then it kind of hit me. There's absolutely nothing wrong with me. This is life. Not a movie. Not someone's social media page. This is the nitty gritty. The trenches. The hard stuff. My kids aren't ungrateful (well mostly), and I'm not doing anything wrong. This was just a bad couple of days because that's life. A constant ebb and flow. There's no planning for which days those will land on. We have equally if not more days of laughter and happiness. Just last weekend, they surprised us for our anniversary with a homemade romantic supper with music and pictures and waiting on us hand and foot. They did that with no prompting. That was all on their own. We are raising good, grateful, kind human beings, but they aren't perfect, nor are we. We, too, have our days when we seem ungrateful or aren't blissful. I am enough. You are enough. I just need to be reminded once in awhile.

Here are a few happies to help me remember.....