Friday, April 10, 2015


    If I had to describe myself, I'd say I'm pretty vibrant. I love color. I love spontaneous. I love change (most of the time). My head is in the clouds often, and I'm a dreamer more than I am a realist. Dan's pretty good at keeping me grounded, yet he does a phenomenal job at keeping my dreams alive, and that's what I love about him. If you would have asked me 10 years ago whether or not ordinary was a good thing, I would have cringed and told you no. There wasn't any room in my vocabulary for such a word. It was very black and white.

However, since the years have gone by, I've recognized that like so many other things in my life, very little is black and white. Ordinary included. I have a whole other post in my head dedicated to being a great many things, and since I want to focus on ordinary, I will digress.... I want my kids to aim high, to be happy and successful, and know they are more than just ordinary. At the same time, ordinary is where it's at baby. It's been a really tough year for me. Not so much in the huge life changing aspect of things like death, loss of a job, marital issues or where finances are concerned, but more like the internal struggle I have every day about life in general. What's kept me grounded and centered in the chaos that goes on in my mind every day is my ordinary. MY ordinary. My home. My husband. My kids. Everything else can fall apart, but when those things come together, I have all I need to make it to tomorrow.
“You can find something truly important in an ordinary minute.” 
― Mitch Albom

This has been a week where I just feel very defeated. I feel tired. I feel exhausted. I feel hopeless. I feel everything. Everything. I am a fixer. I want to make everyone happy, and I want to be there when they need me. In fact, it's probably one of my greatest strengths. Showing up. And I've done a lot of it, and I'll continue to do it, but it's hard work. Sometimes showing up isn't what is needed, and I have to be okay with that too. Sometimes, you just have to step out of the ring, and find what grounds you.

So that's where I am today. I need to step out of the ring for a little break. I need to find my center. I need to be grounded.

 I come here to write things down so I don't forget them. I also write because it's therapeutic, and I'm kind of over writing about the crap. It doesn't feel good. Sure, it makes me relatable, and there are some who read it and probably think "Phew. I thought I was the only one." It feels good to know you aren't alone. I respect that. Community is a big deal to me, but I don't find happy when I stew about sad. I don't find positive when I'm stuck in the negative. If I want out of this funk, I have to find my way out. They make it pretty easy to find it.

“Do not ask your children
to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable,
but it is the way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder
and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting
tomatoes, apples and pears.
Show them how to cry
when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure
in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself.” 

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