Saturday, June 23, 2012

It's not pretty, but it's real

What do you get when you cross a woman with a broken ankle, painkillers, and a couch? A very weepy, depressed mom of 3. I'd be absolutely lying if I told you I was taking this ankle breaking thing well. And even though my last post sounded like I was very positive and was good at looking at the bright side, I'm finding it's very easier said than done. I don't want to pretend like I'm feeling something I'm not, and the truth is...this sucks. It's incredibly hard for me to give up Mexico, swimming in the pool with my kids, going for a run or my zumba nights with the girls. Oddly enough, it's also hard not being able to clean my house, get my kids lunch, dress up to go out, sleep on my stomach or sit in the front seat of my own car. We're a day shy of 2 weeks since this happened, and I don't know how I am going to be able to handle another 4-6 weeks of having a hard cast on this thing.
Truth is....I'm very afraid of what the doctor is going to tell me on Monday. It kills me to think that I might not heal back to normal. I can't imagine not being able to run or zumba again. They have been such a big part of my life. They give me energy and make me a happier person. Right now, every other day is a "good" day. On a bad'll find me weeping at any given second. In fact my voice has a permanent quiver to it. It's hard to determine whether or not I'm crying when you are talking to me. I'm sure some of it has to do with the pain meds. Percocet is known to make you a little emotional, but the bigger part is knowing all that I'm giving up this summer because of this ankle.
I've been waiting four years for this summer. Every summer since I've been out of college, I've had to have a job since I wasn't a full time teacher. This year was the year I got to make up for that. We had made our bucket list of all the things we were going to do this summer. I was going to be hands on, and I had been waiting months for it. Now I get to sit in the same spot on this couch every day for the rest of the summer. No Cancun. No pool. No Twin's game. No bucket list. No walks. No park. No zumba. No running. No summer.
 I thought that I would maybe just write this but not post it, but that's not what this blog is about. Right now, this is the "view from my front porch". It's not pretty, but it's real. And I hope that I can look back on this once this is all over and remember to live life to the fullest. Remember that I could be sitting on the couch with a broken ankle when my daughter wants me to play cards or when Carter wants me to go for a bike ride or when Sawyer wants to go to the park. I hope I remember this when I don't feel like going to zumba or waking up early to get my run in. I truly am grateful for all the people who have stepped in to make my life easier. There are no words to tell them how grateful I am for meals, helping out with my kids, keeping me company, making lunch, cleaning my house, doing laundry, and so much more. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And next time I post, I plan to bring back the positive Mandi you all know and (hopefully) love.


  1. Hang in there girl! It's definitely hard to always see the positive in life when unexpected things happen. It's usually in those times though that God chooses to grow us and we rely on Him so much more to even get through the days. Thanks for sharing your heart and being honest. God understands your pain and suffering too and it's ok to be angry/frustrated! I'll be praying for healing and that the pain will subside soon!

  2. Thanks Ashley! I'm sure that I'm growing somehow through this process even though it's so hard to see it now. Thanks for the prayers! I appreciate it!