Wednesday, August 12, 2015

That Camp Life

As I said before, I really wasn't sure how camp would go with all of my dysfunction being all sprawled out on the floor and stuff. My heart wasn't in it like it was last year. I wasn't hearing God say "this is your path" as loudly as I'd heard him say it before  which made me doubt that I had ever heard it correctly the first time. Being still to wait for God to talk to me is not as easy as I'd like it to be. It might be because I'm a little selective in the hearing department. Either way, I had a little anxiety before leaving for camp.

As always, God had it under control. As I was sitting in Missy's car, heading to camp, I gave it up. I silently said, "Okay God. Let this week be what it will be. Show me why I'm here." And He did. He always does. Last year, I think I came to camp with a little arrogance. We are "fixing" a little bit of their lives I thought. Nope. We weren't. God was working and healing and using us, but we weren't fixing. We can't. What I realized was that God brought me there to show up. To love them. To love the others that were volunteering. To be love.
Camp Roomies reunite! Love these girls and our amazing friendship started from last year's camp. 

It doesn't sound that glamorous, I know. But I have very few talents people. You have to throw me a bone here. I was never an all-star athlete. My family cringes when I belt out "Shake it Off". I'm a horrible public speaker. I really don't have that much going for me. I do have a few talents. I do food like it's nobody's business. I am a GREAT talker. Most of all, I love well. Not perfectly. But well. I think that my job was to show that last week. So I tried. I gave lots of hugs and affirmations and me toos. I know they say that camp is "all about the kids", and it IS the focus. It so is. The ones who were on the front lines were AMAZING. They poured their heart into these kids the way I couldn't at this point in my life, but in order to have the front lines in best working order, you need behind the scenes. I rock behind the scenes. Behind the scenes is totally my jam. In order to keep everyone else going, there needs to be behind the scenes people encouraging, swooping in to give well needed rest, and love. That was why I was there.
Rach and I after the Color me Happy night. Such fun!

Now sure, my title was Bible teacher, and I was on the drama team. I LOVE my drama team. I needed their love and their support just to get through the week. See how this works? We all pitch in. We all build each other up. To be honest...I struggled with my role last week. In fact, one day I went to my room after chapel and cried through lunch, and then I took a nap because it's easier to forget all the sadness when you are sleeping. I felt like I had no business telling these kids about how much God loves them and how God has a plan for them when there are many days when I can't love myself enough to actually believe that God has big plans for me. What I discovered is that being Bible teacher was just one tiny facet of why I came to camp. God doesn't say "show up when you're ready". He just tells you to show up. He'll do the rest. So I did. I don't know if I did exactly what I was supposed to do this week or if I even did it well, but I showed up.
My incredible team. Love the friendships made!

Typical planning sesh

Sometimes I think that's all we need to worry about. Showing up and doing the next right thing. People need authentic and real even when it's not pretty. These kids need people to show up, even if it's just to love them. They don't need all the bells and whistles, but it was fun to give it to them. What they needed was love, and I think we did that well.

Moral of the story? Show up. Even if you aren't ready. God will use you if you are willing. :)

**For those of you who want to know more about camp, you can follow the Royal Family KIDS of NW Iowa Facebook page. You can also check out my post  with some of my thoughts from last year's week at camp.

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