Thursday, May 8, 2014

I Have an 8 Year Old!

Eight years. 2920 days. 175,200 hours. 10,512,000 seconds of life this boy has had on this Earth.

There are days I wonder if I'm a good mom. Am I doing everything right? (Well duh, no) Am I at least making a print on his life? I hope so. I don't know what he sees when he looks at me. I'm not always a great example. I know I've let him down a million times. I yell. I forget things. I lose my temper. I don't have patience. I swear. I go to bed many nights thinking God was crazy for picking me to be a mom to these three.

And even though I know that I suck at this job a lot, there's one thing that I know I'm doing a helluva good job at, and that is loving the bejesus out of them. It's messy, chaotic, wild, UNCONDITIONAL love for them. I know I am perfectly imperfect as their mom, but they will know they were loved. On this day, I want him to know that, and the best way I can do that is to write directly to him.


Carter Dean,
You have been my little man for eight whole years today. Eight. I've loved being your mama. Every second with you has taught me how to love with more grace and more passion. It is the most important job I have on this Earth. To be your mama. Carter, I cherish that more than you will ever know. I will screw up, and I will make mistakes, but I will ALWAYS love you. I am so proud of you. You are so smart and funny. You are energetic and carefree. You give the best hugs, and you are not embarrassed that I am your mama (yet :) ).  I can still remember holding you in my arms and rocking you to sleep, knowing that you were mine. You are bigger now, but I will always hold a spot for you on my lap.

You get the best of both worlds. You get to be a big brother AND a little brother. Not many people get to say that. You are great at helping your brother learn new things even when it's hard to share all the time. You and Jaedyn have many inside secrets, and it's apparent that even though you may not always like each other, you will have a beautiful relationship one day. Your uncle Casey and I were a lot like that. You have so much to look forward to.

There may be days when we don't always see eye to eye. I may be angry, or you may be frustrated, but just know that in those moments where it seems I'm the most upset with you, it's in those moments I'm trying to teach you all that you will need to know to grow up and be an amazing man who is kind and respectful and brave. It's better to learn those things now as a kid than to have to try to learn them all as an adult. Please remember that I'm always doing those things out of love. Always. I know I have learned a lot as a parent by raising you, and I know I will continue to learn.You still have so much to teach me about being a good parent.

 I can't tell you how much of my heart you fill, but I can tell you that it would be very empty without you in it.Thank you for teaching me how to love and for always showing me love even when it's easier not to sometimes. Thank you for being patient with me and showing me grace when I'm not always very quick to do the same with you.

You are an amazing kid. Don't ever forget that. Love you so much buddy! Happy Birthday!


Mom




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